There are moments in life when past fears and traumas resurface, even after we’ve done deep inner work. It becomes clear that healing isn’t a destination—it’s an ongoing journey, a testament to being alive and feeling all the emotions that come with it. Today, I’m not writing to inspire, but to reflect.
Growing up, uncertainty was a constant companion. With divorced parents, I never felt like there was enough—whether it was food, stability, or security. We moved often, and life could change at any moment. On top of that, I felt responsible for my siblings, making sure they were okay through all the upheavals. As I got older, those feelings of scarcity resurfaced again when my mother passed away right before I went through my own divorce. Losing her—the one person who had always been my anchor—left me feeling like my world was collapsing just as I was becoming a single mother and had to be strong for my kids. The familiar sense of instability returned, and I was once again navigating uncertainty while taking care of others. And then, in 2009, just as I was regaining some stability, I was diagnosed with MS. My world turned upside down again—I lost my home, moved in with my sister, and faced the emotional and physical toll of my diagnosis, all while trying to be strong for my children. I had to dig deeper than ever before.
Fast forward to 2016, when I finally began to see the light. I realized that I could actually make a living doing something I’m passionate about. But true stability didn’t come until 2021. I remember the moment I felt it—I was at the grocery store, casually adding things to my cart. Suddenly, I realized I wasn’t worrying about every penny. I was even buying myself flowers, something I had never been able to do before. That feeling of “enough” was overwhelming, and I was so grateful.
Before I took the leap into full-time spiritual work, I juggled a 9-5 job supporting people with disabilities while also doing psychic medium readings on nights and weekends. With MS and a new baby, balancing everything was a huge struggle. I was pushing myself too hard, and at one point, my health took a serious toll—I reached 240 lbs and knew I couldn’t keep going at that pace. That was my wake-up call. I had to prioritize my well-being.
Then came 2024, and suddenly, everything slowed down. I’m not entirely sure why—maybe the economy, or maybe it was Source nudging me to focus on other things, like the many projects I’ve been working on: a book, a podcast, a YouTube series, merchandise, and partnerships. As the sole provider for my family, this slowdown hit hard. My husband is currently pursuing a certification for a new business and also looking for jobs in the trucking industry, so there’s hope on the horizon, but in this moment, things are tough.
I’ve thought about getting a “normal” job again, but I know deep down that my purpose is to use my intuitive abilities. When I’m not doing what I’m meant to do, everything feels off—my energy, my health, my balance. Still, I’ve found myself at a crossroads contemplating next steps. But don’t worry—I’m not giving up. I’m just pivoting, waiting for the next direction to reveal itself.
Today I went out into nature, and asked God for guidance. I felt surrounded by a grounding, loving energy, and I heard the words “pelican” and “tulip.” The spiritual meaning of the pelican is about self-sacrifice, nurturing, and teamwork. It symbolizes the need to give freely and generously, but also reminds us not to overextend ourselves, as true balance is found in nurturing both others and ourselves. The tulip, with its spiritual meaning of rebirth and grace, represents new beginnings and the resilience to bloom even after harsh winters. These symbols came to me as a message to give myself grace during this time, to allow myself to lean into the changes, and to trust that I, too, will bloom again, no matter how difficult the season has been.
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